Terror and Baper

A shame to say, it’s just the start of October, everyone’s doing Inktober and yet I’m being depressed for no concrete reason, probably due to baper (bawa perasaan, an Indonesian slang bringing the feelings too much)…. Thinking about life, the future, everything made my head hurts. A lot. I can’t even think what to write in this blog for a while… but here I am attempting to write about some happier things, and when randomly trying to find something in my head….

I remember how I felt connected to one song.

So, Neru’s album, My Name is Love Song, is released but I have no money to buy it (cries. To be honest this blog post would be about Neru’s album if I did buy it). But then it made me rewatch a song from Neru’s which is one of my favorites and is in that album— Terror.

This song is very important to me for a reason. For complete read anyone can view the lyrics translation here (Thanks, Meta!), but let’s just put some of the most important things in the lyrics (the last bit ones):

Even if you’re reduced to tears, steal it back
Your heart is something that belongs only to you

Life is life because it shines so brightly

I can’t say this song matches my situation 100%, but… I could feel a lot of feelings Neru poured into it, and also I could relate to the lyrics. The exact reason why it is very important to me is in the lyrics I just copy pasted (especially the two latter lines of what I copy-pasted), and what came afterwards.

Even if you fall, even if you collapse, and even if you stumble, it’s evidence that you tried to advance, so
Laughing at that is the absolute worst, and the Earth will go around even despite that, right?

That’s how it is, right, right? So send me an answer.

I am a naive person, it is written in the blog title. But the world is difficult, especially from my naive standpoint. I fall, I collapse, yes I know. But… this song also told me how it was also an effort to advance. I did my best, it is a sign that I advanced, no matter how others might see it as something wrong and laughs on me.

This song reminds me of those feelings, how I should be advancing despite this world being this difficult to understand, how people will still be horrible, how I’m still unsure—

–Well, I might have to change my naive standpoint someday, but I have to do my best while striving towards my own dream. I think this is one of the form of baper too, isn’t it? Though since it’s a positive kind, since it’s motivating me.

Talking about ‘doing one’s best’, there’s always Shimamura Uzuki from im@s CG, and I feel connected to the recent episode too. Maybe I’ll talk about this someday.

So yeah, I’m doing well, still here, and I shall be doing my best once again.

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